I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Randomize
