So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
