Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I need a beard to bite.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
