take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
