Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
