Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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