My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
