You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
