i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I lost the right to judge tonight
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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