oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
