I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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