Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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