My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
