I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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