love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
