Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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