I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My vagina is very pro this idea
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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