Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
