hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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