david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
