The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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