Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
