my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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