i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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