she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
