let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Come share oat with me in your robe
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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