Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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