How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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