my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
