Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
