She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
