Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
