need another drink. this is the easiest way
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
