Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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