some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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