My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
