I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Don't make out with my wife yet
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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