Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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