I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
