P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Will exercising make me less horny?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
