i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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