That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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