it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
