What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
