I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
