I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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