He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
