Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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