I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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