I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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