Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
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she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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