Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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