dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
