You smell like a Billy Joel song
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
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my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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