So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
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Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
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I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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