I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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