Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
