Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
and i looked up. we had an audience...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
