I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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