How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize