Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
soo... how was my night?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
