my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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