I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
