tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
