My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
